Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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