Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
