I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
