He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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