im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
PANTIES FOUND
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
