there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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