it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
