About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
