Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
