I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
