don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
