my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
