they need to just BURY HIM!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
