There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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