morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
