they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
