I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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