We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
