oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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