it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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