he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
