i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
