my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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