I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My breasts were aching with rage.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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