Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
