i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
