No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
