As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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