i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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