god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
