I'm passing your future prison.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
