Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
