We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
