I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
