$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
