have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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