I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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