What a fucking waste of an outfit
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
