You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
