you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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