I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
