were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
