Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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