guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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