I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
