So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize