you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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