3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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