Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
