So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize