oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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