he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
