god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
