dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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