You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
