don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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