I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize