I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
