Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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