woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
