how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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