see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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