I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
