Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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