Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
