Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
