I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
